Not Shutting the Door

After some time off because.. Well basically I didnt have anything really to write about. Something happend that has changed my life. After 4 years of great companionship I decided to cut ties with my significant other. I had been thinking about this decision for quite sometime. My feelings are being sorted still 5 days, after the aftermath known as our relationship. I won't go into exact detail why I decided to make this decision, but I will leave you with an Idea. I had been going out with M without her parents really knowing what was going on. Your first question might be why in god's name did her parents not know about a courtship of over 4 years? The answer to that my friend is that they( M's Parents) were not particularly fond of my decent. Since I'm of the Indian persuasion they felt that, that alone was not good enough for their daughter. However, M felt differently. We had been caught before and warned not to defy them. By we, I mean M had been warned with threats of monument fashion. **** They have yet to meet me or give me a chance***

Threats that are so severe that M, would be fincancially cut off for the rest of her life if we were found guilty. At 22 she was not in the position to tell her parents the truth, so she lead a double life, constantly lying and decieving her parents. Well after dealing with this for 4 years I felt as though she needed to let her parents know what was going on. So I told her I would like it if she told her parents about our relationship. She hesitated, which I dont blame her for, worried about the consequences she might face. So after months and months of telling her that it would be better for her to tell her parents, rather than us getting caught and than really paying for it. M was left in a quandry. It felt as though she was caught between her parents and me. Don't get me wrong I love the girl, however it seemed as though she needed time to really think about what she really wanted, As do I. M, was talking about seriously settling down sometime in the furture to be able to tell her parents. However, I'm not ready because 1. i have not graduated yet and 2. Im not sure if I really want to make a committment this early in my life without a job etc. I don't blame M one bit if she continues to not tell her parents becuase to loose your parents support both financially and emotionally is a big step.

So although im not ready to fully end things with M, I feel as though we both need to take time apart to see what we both need and want. IF it leads back to us I will definetly not object to getting back together. I dont know how I'm dealing with it right now, but im just trying to take it one day at a time and see where that takes me.